right now in my mind..jus two words : ' Fucked Up' i jus wanna vent out..but could'nt. my brain is boiling everywhere is boiling. i'm really have a very very bad dae..all started with bball. i was really fuckin hell not my usual self. i could'nt perform. flared up. yeah, that's it.

i play in a match..play to win. i never play to lose. my team is falling..i have the urge to turn things right end up doing it in the wrong way. hungry for points and confidence builing up..but jus fall rite down..when teammates refuses to let me have the chance to perform. yeah, true they did pass to me. but at the wrong timee. i was completely free and they ignore my presence. fucking pissed. i was playin nowhere..they got the ball go for their own. i gt nothin to say.

second quarter..during the break. quarell with mr tan. i was damn fucked up by that time. i could'nt accept the fact would'nt give me a chance to show. i wanna perform..i wanna do anything that can make the team wins. i was totally moodless by second quarter. i was playing 'cold' basketball. fine! don't get the ball..i don't get..i let others perform. let me be the clown in the squard. and yes..i am the biggest fool throughout the match. being a laughing stock for some silly actions. running here and there..but could'nt get the ball. then i realised i was jus A PEANUT in the team. everyone is better than me. i'm jus a small peanut. anytime be crushed down. yes...i'm the weakest link. in the national..i'm a already a fool..right now in sch team..i'm the same.

was my mum right when she says..ta qiu bu yao ta dao jiang bing ming...?

a match is jus like a battle. you lose, means u are weak...not up to enemy's match. u win means u are strong. nobody like losing matches jus like war. which country would be happy to see their own country fallen to the opponent's hand. we treat opponent like enemy. we gonna shoot them down. win them..break them apart. we have to set aside our mr nice guy side. be a man..stand out. not for the country but for the sch. we gonna be tough and fight..like we never fight b4. whack the enemies down..show them our power..but not chickening around.

i knw we can do it. we definitely will. maybe i'm jus thinkin too much. i'm born with a victor's mind.

i'm gonna try my best to stop flaring as it will nt do either parties any good..but harm. i wanna train. to be the best. and lead the best underdogs to tournament and bring glory. we will stand out for dunman and win every matches we played. next year will be my last year. i don't wanna leave the sch basketball empty-handed. i wanna be my bro..although i can't single-handedly bring opponents down. but i wil guide..i wan everyone to stop seeing dunman as a peanut team.

i...WANNA win.